I spent 30 years feeling like something was wrong with me. I never felt like I really fit in anywhere, and quite honestly I felt invisible most of the time.
At some point in my teen years I decided that the only way for me to be seen would be to focus on what I wore. Maybe my clothes could draw attention even if I couldn't. And in some regards it worked. I would get compliments frequently on my outfits and even though I still felt like I was sitting in a corner watching everyone live life, I tricked myself into believing that everything was OK. That I was happy with myself.
I spent 10 years living that way until one day my mom told me about a book she was reading called It's just my nature. The book describes four different types of people, but instead of being another personality book, it talks about how we are each made up of the same four elements in nature. We each have all of them in us, but our dominate energy is the blue print for how we move through life. And since there was always a part of me trying to figure out who I really was, I bought the book.
At first as I read the book I tried to convince myself that I was a Type 3. They are Confident, Dynamic, Strong, and Ambitious. All things that I was trying hard to be, but failing at. After a day or two though of not feeling settled, I decided to read parts of it again, but this time open myself up to the possibility that I might be a Type 2. Careful, Delicate, Sensitive, and Muted. All of the qualities I was trying to run away from.
When I finally did accepted that I was a Type 2, I felt a surprisingly wide range of emotions. At first I was shocked, then angry, and then I was relieved. I went to bed that night feeling like a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders. I could finally stop trying so hard to be someone else.
Since I have always had in interest in fashion and makeup it seemed only natural for me, once discovering my type, to learn how to Dress my Truth. At first it was just something I was interested in learning, but didn't know if I would ever be able to do it. Money is tight and I just couldn't justify buying a course about how to dress. Fortunately for me, my mom took the plunge first and was so pleased with the program that she gifted it to me for my birthday.
It wasn't completely easy right at first. I was constantly second guessing myself and feeling frustrated, but now after 2 plus years of being part of the program, I realize that for me it would have been worth saving for!
When I get dressed now, it's not just the clothes people compliment, it's me! And instead of being resigned to standing in a corner the rest of my life, I have finally discovered my inner confidence. I'm still not the life of the party, but I can enjoy social situations without stressing about whether or not I have talked to enough people. I embrace the peace that comes from my quiet reflective nature.
And as a bonus, I actually smile now when a camera comes out instead of hiding!